Now
Little Ah Beng grows to be smarter...
Little Ah Beng was sitting in class doing maths problems,
when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Ah Beng, if there
were five birds sitting on a fence, and you shot one with your gun.
How many would be left? " asked the teacher. "Aaah zheelo(zero), cos
the rest would fly away." replied Little Ah Beng. "Well the answer is
four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking." Little
Ah Beng says, "I've a question for you now. If there were 3 women eating
ice cream cones in a shop, first was licking her cone, the second was
bitting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Ah Beng, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger,
but I like the way you are thinking.
At
a lounge..
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge
and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien
meaning Ah Cheng buys bread) The DJ told them that they only have English
songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were indignant
and kicked up a big fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them. The
manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after
many hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs
were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous
Brothers.
What
about Ali ...
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to
the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't
believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and
said "Ah Beng,here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy
me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and
rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said,
"See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said,"That's nothing,
you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver,
Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali
said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you?
He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home
if I am here." Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said
to Ali,"Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and
ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't
he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!" Ali replied,
"You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home
to check if he is at home.... He got handphone what, can just call up
to check lah, bodoh !!!!"
Ah
Beng flying ??
"Hello, Singapore Airlines?" said Ah Beng. "Could you tell me how long
it takes to fly from Singapore to Sydney?" The voice on the phone said,
"I'll see sir, just a minute." "Wow, that's really fast. Thank you,"
replied Ah Beng as he hung up
Interview
Ah Beng goes for interview Ah Beng went for an job interview
for a sales job.
When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind is shouting
"Not this man!!"
Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told Ah Beng,
"If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then maybe I
will give you a chance!"
"The words are 'Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black'."
Ah Beng thought for a while and said, "I heard the phone go green,
green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's
that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't Purplely disturb
people and don't call Black, ok? You kena sai"
No further questions. He got the job.
Ah
Lian went to the bank.
A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can
you identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The young woman opened
her handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's
me alright."
At
the doctor..
Ah Beng goes to the doctor and says: "It hurts when I press
here.." (pressing the left side of his abdomen) "And when I press here.."
(pressing the right side of his abdomen) "And here.." (his leg) "And
here, here and here" (his other leg, and both arms) So the doctor examined
him all over and finally discovered what was wrong. He exclaimed, "You've
got a broken finger!"
At
the army camp...
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army's supply
base to collect their underwears. Their sergeant was there to aid the
supplies. Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwears you need ah? Ah
Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)! Sergeant:(puzzled) How come
so many? Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwears? Mat: (without
hesitation) 6 sargen! Sergeant: (curious) How come six? Mat: Mon, Tues,
Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong. Sergeant: (Indian recruit)
Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei? Tambhi: (very confidently) 12
Sarjen !!!! Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) What the f@*! you
need so many for? Tambhi: January, February, March...........One month
one.
Ah
Beng's children..
Ah Beng has three children. Two of them were bright, smart
and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly and backward. One day
Ah Beng got suspicious and asked, "Tell me the truth lah, is this third
child really mine?" "Yes, lah!!," replied the wife, " but the other
two are not."
Lastly
....
The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if
we get engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure" replied her lover (Ah
Beng) "What's your phone number?"
Headmaster : Who was snoring in assembly
this morning?! Teacher(Ah Beng): I don't know. Sir I was fast asleep!
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