! More !! part 3

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Ah Beng: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Too much of Ah Beng ?.. now introducing Ah Lian..

Ah Lian in the elevator

One day, 2 ah lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building and wanted to get down to the ground floor.

As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 1. It was then followed by a L.

They were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea what does the letter L mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit L.

When they finally reached the ground floor, the other ah lian was so impressed and asked the first ah lian, "wow, how you know one?"

The first ah lian reply smugly, "easy lah.... L for Lau-Kah (ground floor in Hokkien)..."

Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction of heavy farting.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down. He called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.

On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered. And before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. He putt-putted down one hill and putt-putted up the next.

By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight". She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peep.

At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peep until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He has just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and rriiippp. It sounded like a diesel engine reviving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.

When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in, apologizing for taking so long, and asked if he had peeped at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeped, she removed the blindfold and yelled, Surprise......and.......there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprised birthday party.

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

Is Sex work or play ?

A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin. The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

So he goes to a priest. He asks for the priest's opinion. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath."

The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?"

So, he decides to ask a minister. The minister gives the same reply as the priest had given him. Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."

The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that sex is work?"

The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

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